I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
