I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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