I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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