party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
