This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
