My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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