i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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