hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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