forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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