Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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