DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I yelled at your uterus for you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
