Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
