dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
