Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
