8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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