he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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