I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
