I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize