Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize