and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My dick has a subreddit
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
