You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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