So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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