It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
