I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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