just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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