My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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