Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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