Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The best revenge is premature balding
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
