One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize