i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
