i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
