White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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