is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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