I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
