Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found puke in my bra..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
