Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am available for nakedness
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
