One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
