I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
