Got a toothbrush?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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