I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nicole vs. Life
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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