I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize