I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
