just come out here and I will go home with you...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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