My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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