Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how drunk are you?
Several
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