It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were trust falling into bushes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
