Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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