How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
