Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We have started to decorate penises.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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