i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
