I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
