the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
