New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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