I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"