You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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