I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.