After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat