I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.