Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize