i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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