i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
