I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
