you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
