The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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