i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
