I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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