Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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