carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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